It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
