Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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