she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
