It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
