my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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