You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
