dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
