Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
