11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize