So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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