i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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