Your face is a jimmy john
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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