the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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