standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
