apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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