Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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