She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
