How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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