He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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