ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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