when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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