going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
