dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
