and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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