I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
