woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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