i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
