Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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