who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize