THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
