Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize