I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Randomize
