I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
