id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
