She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
