My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
