Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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