why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
