i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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