If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
