im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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