i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
