Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
