i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
