There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize