I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
