last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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