just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
