I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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