OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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