Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
