Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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