Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
