Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize