you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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