it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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