All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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