drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize