That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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