So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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