why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
