just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
