come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
