haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
