Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
