I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
