Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
