fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
