Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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