Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
