Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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