Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize