she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
