we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize