Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
