Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
