Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
should my penis look like a turkey
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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