was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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