If i come over, it means nothing
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
