What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize