dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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