if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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