I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am midnight drunk by noon
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
