Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
