I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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