I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
