I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
