Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize