Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
