i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
