Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
